My dog is harmless really. I say to him, 'attack!' and he has one​.
  1. "My tie feels tight."
    "My tie feels tight."
  2. Tommy tries to loosen his tie
    Tommy tries to loosen his tie
  3. The tie just won't loosen, until finally
    The tie just won't loosen, until finally
And finally the world famous Hats Routine
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Download
Download
Download
Download
Download
Tommy - 'I would like to recite for you now a little poem.' 

Tommy stands behind a table that has a box of hats on it.

Twas New Years Eve in Joe's bar a happy mob was there. The bar was crowded lots of noise filled the air. In the middle of all this gaiety the door banged open wide.


A torn and tattered tramp walked in. 'Happy New Year folks' he cried.

The crowd just looked at him and laughed some began to jeer.

When a sailor stood at the bar and said - 'Ship Ahoy mate and have a beer.'


​'I thank you son,.' the tramp replied. 'But beer and me are through. I'll never touchadrop again but I'll split a bottle of rum with you.'

'Then up jumped a banker who happened to be there. 'Throw that tramp out,' he cried. 'He contaminates the air.'

'Them's harsh words,' the sailor said.

The banker says, 'So what!'

'Them's shooting words,' a cowboy said. 'Are you aiming to be shot?'


Then up jumped a soldier who said, 'This ain't no time to fight.'

'You're right,' said the sailor

And the banker said 'Well alright.'

Then up jumped a woman and stared at the tramp. 'My goodness it's Sam,' she cried with fright and her face went white. 


'Who's Sam?' A fireman said.

The tramp then pulled out a knife and said, 'I'm Sam and that painted woman is my promised bride. Nuts don't make me laugh, the tramp replied. 'you cannot wed that horse.'

'Why not?' said the fireman.


The tramp replied, 'we never were divorced.'


'IT'S A LIE!!' the woman shouted


'IT'S THE TRUTH!!'  the tramp yelled out.


'Hold everything,' said the sailor. 'What the hecks it all about?'

'Who are you to butt in?' the banker said.

The cowboy said, 'SHADDAP!'

The soldier said, 'take it easy boys.'


And the fireman said, 'I'll kill him.'.

'A tough guy?' said a pilot who was standing at the bar

The cowboy hit the fireman and the fireman hit the floor. He got up straight away and looked at the woman and hit her.


Gosh she screamed, 'Aaaargh!!!!!'


In rushed an Indian.

A little schoolboy.


Tommy, 'I don't know what this is?'

In the middle of this fighting you could hear the knuckles crunch.


When all of a sudden they heard a policeman's whistle.

And a policeman came in and pinched the whole damn bunch.

DA DA